I always wondered how people who have been married for more than 10 years still get divorced.

After all, ten years is a long time. You would have learned everything there was you needed to learn about whoever it was that you're supposed to live with.

Later on you realize that ten years to an adult is a whole lot shorter than the liftime that is to a child.

I've watched people change, and other people go through with it, but I never once thought that my parents would go through the crucible the same way others did.

Now, I am not going to air out my parents troubles on this blog. It's their life and it's taken me years to realize that. It's taken them years to realize that this is my life too.

This post isn't about my parents life, but the countless others that i've observed going through the crucible at 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, and heck, even at 30+ years.

I don't know if it's them or me, certainly as a young adult my perspective on marriage and relationships in general have changed. But i'm finally beginning to understand just how little control you have of your life and people.

I used to think that I had my friends figured out. After all, they were my friends, I knew them. Christine aside, there have been major changes in our lives that have caused us to act differently within our friendships.

My friendship with Christine did not survive because of two factors: a) being her mother and b) being that she had changed and I had changed too. Things were simply too convaluted and neither one of us wanted to concede to any of the changes, nor were we going to accept how the other was.

Noted, and move on.

But beyond that...there have been other changes in my other friends lives that I never once thought would occur.

Their mode of thinking, behavior. Decisions they have made. Though I never once thought that I could 100% second guess their actions, I am finding myself just plain old screwed up.

They have done things that I never once thought they would do, but I now see as accepted. More like, they have changed, I have accomodated that change, and my mind is just late in shifting gears and realizing things.

The psychologist part of me understands it all, can rationalize and analyse and explain most of it, but the part of me that is me, that steps beyond what is academic is just starting to take off her rose colored lenses.

It's not at all confusing, but it is distubing. This is my life, and I am just know beginning to realize with startling clarity just how precarious human interaction can be.

At least, successful human interaction.

For someone who hates to talk to people for extended periods and yet is forced to, it makes for a mixed ephiphany. I don't know whether I should be happy that I understand things more, or sad that I understand things more.

Ignorance is bliss, and a part of me thinks I was better off being uner-objective and unaffected. This increased sensitivity can sometimes feel damning, but otherwise...a welcome relief.

Growing up is a bitch. But life can't all be pains and heartaches...at least I hope there's a lot more happy than shit.