Desperation

I'm semi-working my ass off in writing the book.

I've been getting up and sleeping earlier than my usual schedule ever since the dog came in. Even though he no longer stays in my room, i've picked up his cycle, albeit an hour later on both habits.

I've torqued up my storyline by doing a character analysis and--finally--giving myself a one minute pitch. I suppose this is me gearing up to send a peice of my work to the editors.

I'm running incredibly low on finances, but I still refuse to give things up.

I don't know why. Maybe because I've wanted this, that writing is the only concrete thing I have in my life right now. Everything else is a question, one that I am fond of asking but cannot wait to answer.

The book is helping me deal with things better. It's a work of fiction, but in a way it is a reflection of who I am. Which made things easier for me, since now I respect it even though I still make fun of it for being a "cosmo book".

For someone who is bumfuck lazy, I am a perfectionist. When it comes down to something that matters, I not only make sure that I get it right, but that I do the best I can.

I'm trying to evaluate how I work, since there's no one there to do it for me.

The interesting thing is that my mother always walks in on me when I am on a break and never when I'm actually working. When i'm working, she's usually outside yelling something for me to do.

Overall though, it's going much faster now than it did in the one month that I was in limbo. I think it's because I gave up a few things and decided to just stick to the one that I started.

After writing this one, then I'll consider working at Starbucks as a barrista or something. Or maybe pick up Charisse's offer to go to Davao and work at another frigging call center.

It's partly for research for my script, partly to experience living on my own, and for the most part keeping an eye on that girl before she jets away to CANADA. It may be a bit too late, but as her friend I am making sure that she is flying in that country with at least a part of her head screwed on straight.

It's a six month commitment for both jobs, so I should hopefully be done with it at the end of next year and move on with my life again.

That is, if I don't sell any of the things that I am working on. My due date is late September. If I don't make money at the end of September, i'm screwed.

Anyway, I just reconstructed a shirt of mine.

I made a size 6 kiddie shirt that I was forced to buy at the giftshop during the workshop because my roommate spiller her mineral water over my bag. It's this small yellow thing that has the words DAP emblazoned in large colorful ethnic patterns. The color was great so I cut it up and ended up with a nice rocker t-shirt.

I'd just ransacked my moms closet and found a pair of gold strappy heels, so with the shirt I pulled together a hot little outfit that I will never wear because a) my mother will never let me out of the house because the shirt really bares my navel, b) I still have that nice little gut, c) I have no occasion in which I can wear it and d) it's a retro 80's rocker look. Something that Gulliana Depandi would wear.

I guess this is one side effect of writing the book. I'm fashion forward enough to know that if ever I do ride the 80's comeback wave, it will be in this psuedo-bohemian rocker look that I will have no reason to wear.