What if there were no tomorrow?


I just got one those "tell someone that you love them now, because you or they could be dead the next day" type of e-mails.

Okay, so that's morbidly said. They were nice and mushy, one even had Garfield and and flowers on it. It was nice spam in my mail. Know what freaked me out?

I got two of them. On the same day.

I'm a freak, so the first thing I thought was "Oh God, I'm going to conk out without ever having...somebody."

I immediately made a mental note to cross extra carefully today, be paranoid with everyone else, and not even go out for lunch today.

I go nuts with things like these, mainly because shit that doesn't happen to most people happen to me. Which is alright, since great shit that doesn't happen to most people also happen to me.

But if your life is just as frustratingly, wonderfully, fuck-ass unpredictably exciting as mine, you'd go nuts about things like these too. If you've ever seen the show The Others, i'm like that guy who played Benny in the Mummy. Only cuter and not as creepy.

I read a sign from the street, something clicks in my head, I follow it. Call it instinct, call it luck, call it schizophrenia, but eight out of ten it works. I've had some predictive dreams, too. It helps to write them (my recall of dreams is pretty clear...either that or I am writing things that have yet to occur) None of the dreams are of anything major, though.

Mostly, it's "I walked in the kitchen and placed this blue bowl in the sink." Typical, but we don't have a blue bowl. A month later my mom purchases one and the damn thing happens. Or something like "I saw so and so today, she was wearing a nice pink shirt. She said blah." And it will happen.

It's really cool, though I wish i'd dream the winning lotto numbers or something.

...

Anyway, I've had many moments when I thought I was going to die on that day simply because I read/saw/dreamt or heard something.

That's the two out of ten, but it still gives me much anxiety anyway.

As I sat there, reading through my e-mails of "tell the person who you love NOW!" I felt compelled to pick up my phone and just say something.

But the fact of the matter is, there is no one to tell.

My parents and all my friends know that I love them. I didn't have that "pending romance".

On the off chance that some kid who actually read this spam ever tells "their person" that they love them, you have my ultimate virtual support.

Two days ago, I got added on Friendster by my "college crush".

It's not a big deal, but it made me squeal anyway. He was a big man on campus, and since I was being an anti-conformist (I was an 18 year old snotty debater), I made sure that I didn't like him just because he was smart, charming, and cute.

I ended up liking him not based on his merits, but because he liked Macross/Robotech.

Shallow and deranged, I know, but bear with me.

That cartoon shaped my life.

That obsession matched nothing: The X-files, David Duchovny, Trek, Robbie, Damian. It may not be my thing right now, but when it was, my friends wanted to hide under rocks just to escape my serious drones on Macross. It was the first and last thing on my mind. What I thought about as I showered. I spent Christmas, Birthday and savings just to buy soundtracks (which got stolen) and models. I have the Japanese songs and the Robotech songs memorized. Heck, I had pages of the novels memorized. July 16 is marked in my calendar as "Rick and Lisa's Wedding Anniversary". Fuck, I wanted to join the Navy because I wanted to be "Lisa". Whatever organization or order I had in high school was influenced by her character...which turned out to be a good thing since my teachers said I was somewhat organized in high school.

Not a lot of people liked Macross-Robotech.

I took to hanging around in Robotech chatrooms and e-mailing people listed on the back of Robotech comics. It's like cyber-penpals for geeks.
Anything to meet other people who was just as into it as I was.

Thus, "college crush".

He was so into Macross that I just freaked.

I also freaked when I found out that he already had a cute girlfriend, who happens to be really nice. Freaked again when they got married a year later. Freaked now when he sent me a Friendster message.

It's nothing, and we're nice friends. Not close friends, but okay friends that I care what happens to their marriage.

But the thing is, that is the extent of my "die tomorrow" person. Him.

I guess i'm just finding it sucky that the only death defying revelation I have to give is "You know, when I was 18, I had this huge crush on you because I associated you with Hikaru Ichijo/Rick Hunter".

He might just throw up from shock.