This year has got to be the year of contradictions.

My friend agrees with me on this. Everytime something good happens with us, it comes with a bit of bad luck.

The `rents are still at it, and it's day three for me. I have been telling people here at work that my mom is sick and I had to go tack care of her, when in truth my mom wants to go to Africa as a UN volunteer and my just wants to stop talking. To her or to us, i'm not sure.

I think he feels bad that i'm not talking to him, or that I don't ask him for a ride to the subdivision gates every morning. I haven't had breakfast or dinner with him since last Sunday either, and that is a hecka long time if it's just three of you in a bungalow.

It's a lousy situation. As my dad's defacto "son", our communications usually center on grunts, grumbles, and general talks about cars, motorcycles, Star Trek, and the dragging state of my future. The latter we don't discuss much since it's such a depressing topic.

Not that we really had a lot of those. As a spanish-oriented dad dealing with--well, me, there really isn't much maneuvering space in our talking relationship. Though like most girls, I was a daddy's girl and he feels let down that this might change.

It's times like these that make being an only child SUCK.

Not for the first time, I feel like having a drink of something potent and just forgetting about the past couple of days. But I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and nope, no sex. And this season has had me lagging on the excercise too.

I really do need to find some outlet for all these tensions.

For once in my life, I would like to have that one good thing and hold onto to it.

I'd like something good to happen, without me waiting for the other shoe that I just know will drop. To be able to just sit back and relax, and not grip my teeth because I know from past experience that this isn't going to last.

A I know from when I was twelve thought that I should breath.

Breathe. Now that's an understatement.

I've been taking deep and slow breathes since I left for college. My life has been, and from the looks of it, be an irony. Can't life give me a break for once?

Nuh.

I just want to hide under the carpet and sleep for the next 20 years.