Cumpolsive Vlogger

I really do like doing this, huh?

The days have become hotter now. It must be around 28 degrees. I don't really care to be sure, I just know that it's warmer than usual.

I checked out the latest in kuro5hin, and found the usual stories in the front page. Nothing really interesting, mostly about the war in Iraq and George Bush.

Sometime later i'm going to do a piece on the CIA bruhaha here in the Philippines. But in the meantime, I have to do research for my other stuff, which is up to a slower start.

Papa was asking me how much a trip to Corregidor costs. We were discussing the packages and I'm convincing him to take the overnight tour. My trump card is the hike through the underground tunnels, where a guide takes you to the areas restricted in the day tour.

He's a real WWII buff, so it looks like we may go after all.

...

Our neighbors mail got mixed up with ours today, so we ended up with this months issue of The Toastmasters monthly magazine. I was curious and they had a website (okay, so I thought this might be a freebie magazine) so I decided to check it.

Toastmasters turns out to be this club that promotes good communication. They hold meetings where you get your turn at being chair in order to help improve your public speaking skills.

Kind of like Speech Power and Rotary fused into one.

:P

It's not such a hot club, sounds like a racket to me. But it did remind me of debate and how much I miss those competitions. That was the hardest i'd ever worked, so I'm more proud of my brief show of determination than I am of those medals.

It was great being good at something, but it felt even better working for it.

People don't understand how hard it is to have such a short attention span and not know what to do about it.

Sometimes I feel like kicking myself for my laziness or inattention. I try and try to just sit down and work, but nothing ever comes in. I wish like hell that I could study and earn those grades, but even though I want to, I just can't.

What's even more frustrating is that I know I can.

All those hours I spent in the library studying forensics and criminalistics...skipping class and deveoting long hours just reading. Maybe others thought ti was a big deal, but knowing myself and what i'm capable of, I know that what I did was not enough.

...

To be honest, I felt the same when I was debating. It was guilting to have to win matches, yet have Glen explain the facts in most economic cases. Which was why I never won best speaker in any of them: I never knew the facts.

I could have read more, could have researched more. I would have gotten better cases, would have won more matched, would have gotten scholarships for masters and probably a career.

But what would I be had I followed those?

...

I suppose this is me answering to the ghosts I have inside my head. One of them is named Leiya, and the new Me is trying very hard to be patient with her.

She just has this way of trying to get you under her thumb. Although it bothers me, the new Kriszia is not willing to put up with anything. I'm worried that one of these days i'll lose my temper and just give her a piece of my mind.

Being family does not give her liscense to insult people, and I might just let lose a comment on how other people work for their money.

...

I used to answer to a lot of those Leiya's in my head. It's liberating to know that nowadays, I'm at least mature enough to realize that I only have to answer to ME.

After all, i'm the one that's going to have to live with myself, I am the one that's ultimately going to decide my happiness. None of these executive decision is tied with theirs.

...

Well heck holy crap, a whole entry. And here I was just wanting to bitch about having the Goodyear blimp as the perennial advert on my blog.

I have nothing against the derigible, I just thought i'd see a little variety up there. You know, some Trek, maybe some political site. But no one ever comes here to read, so I guess I just get junk adds.

Oh well, at least my thoughts are mine alone.