I just found my cousins blog.

.......

Part of me wants to keep on reading...yet there's another part of me that feels as if i've stolen her diary from underneath her bed and is now dancing around naked with her thoughts.

We haven't really talked, like really talked, in close to two years, so I have no idea what's happening with her. That would make her nineteen.

Her recent writings were rather insightful, kind of a more emotional ships log. It was detailed as hell but this time with feeling.

I remember when we went to Germany and she kept a journal. I ended up junking mine after ten or so entries (long story) so she was sort of like the group scribe for that particular script.

She wrote all the days events. Where we ate, what we ate, how it made her feel, how much they cost, who sold it, what did they look like, what did the food look like, the feel of the place, who we were with, what they said...and reactions to the conversation and b;ah, blah, blah.

This is a more upgraded version than the one she did when she was ten, but you can still see a hint of it there.

I guess I fel your name (first or first and last - no nicknames or noms de plumes - really!), URL if applicable, date (month & year), location (where you took the picture - city, country, etc.), title and description. Tell us a story: Why you were there, who you were with, or how you were feeling. A name and valid email address are the only required fields.

Mostly, I feel weird because i'm learning more about her by reading her blogs than I do by actually talking to her.

I have no idea what's happening in her life right now. I think the transition was made when she had a boyfriend and I...well, I just had problems. I don't think I was up to dealing with anyone back then.

It used to be that we saw each other everyday and even though we didn't know everything about each others lives, at least we knew something.

There are days when I tell myself that nothing has changed, but it's pretty obvious that nothing is the same.

The weird thing is, I made up with her sister.

The first time she sent me a Yahoo message, I literally did a double take. At the end of our two hour talk, I thanked her for her time and was on the verge of crying.

She didn't understand, but having dropped two of my best friends this year, gaining a cousin that I once thought was an enemy was just overwhelming.

The conversation were in some parts strained (at least, as strained as you could get in Yahoo Chat) but the important part was that we talked.

For years, she was one of the very few people I could truly say I hated.

And yet it here we are, talking. We are getting there.

With all the changes in my life this year, I can't imagine what it'll be like next year.

Maybe it will be like your birthday, where you wake up and feel exactly like you did yesterday, only a year younger.

But then, if you take into account what happened during my birthday this year, you can see that it's possible for you to drop into a rabbit hole on your birthday and emerge on the other side as a whole new being.

Damn, I hope I have better luck next year.