Stuck at the office waiting for my friend Sally to finish with the x-mas party presentation practice.

Will not say anything...

The advert on my current page is advertising this lip plimper and other lip stuff because I mentioned Angelina Jolie. The lip gunk is like 14 dollars...well, $13.33 each if you get two just to snag the free applicator...or some other product.

It has occured to me that it costs just as much as that Voyager collectible cards that I want to get but won't since i'm so poor. I mean, they are cards for crying out loud. I won't need them. I'll die and it will be junk to my kids and my husband...or they'll end up burying it with me coz they love me so much...then it will be compost...

Oh hell. I really want to buy it because it features log entries, and one of them has Tom Paris' log entry on Blood Fever. There have been a gazillion fanfics on Blood Fever, but I would love to know what Tom thought in canon.

If you are on the other side of the fence, you might think that Trek fans are all losers. I think Wil Wheaton was the only real fan of trek and the fans treated him badly. He should have just done a con in the Philippines where nearly all the girls ages 8 and up watched trek because they loved him...

Okay, maybe not all. You had the population that included me: the I love wil and I am growing to love sci-fi girls.

Anyway, I would love to be on an episode of Trek. Enid says that part of what drives me is that i'd look hot in the uniform because it fits me, but I really would just love to be on that kind of show.

On the set you kind of get disillusioned because you see all the props and the shuttles are these unfinished pieces of plywood. But I'd love to be on one show and see myself in another century. I would have loved to be in the 24th century, but I guess that's not going to happen anymore with DS9 and Voyager out and TNG not going for any more movies.

I really like the new grey shouldered uniforms. I think it's better than the ones from DS9 and Voy, but just about level with the ones that came out on TNG.

Oh well, who knows. I might just get lucky and find myself on a Trek set.

I still remember the paper that I wrote about space exploration for my senior year research paper in high school. It was lame, and I was lazy doing the research, but it was really waxing on the prose. Which is really sad since it is a technical paper.

I remember that I wrote it like how Mulder or Scully would write a field report. Years later, when I read it again, I found that I really did sound like I was dictating an X-files field report! My teacher was proud of the work and at the same time disappointed since it wasn't what she was asking for.

I wish I could just write. Go exploring and writing about my experiences.

If only money weren't an issue. If only people weren't an issue. If only a habitable place to live and food weren't an issue.

Fuck, if only there weren't a lot of other issues that I was really concerned with!

Maybe someday i'll have the courage to do what I want and say fuck it with the issues. I'll be brave enough to skip meals and live in a cardboard box and just write.

But I don't think that day will ever come. So i'll just pray for courage and grace that I'll be able to do what it is I want to do and live comfortably at the same time...which is what EVERYONE is praying for anyway.

Oh well, i'm still tossing in my AMEN.