I've found that if you do a search using Star Trek: Voyger, there is a chance that you might bump into my blog.

Of course, I could be number 17,000,000, 001 in the other gazillion Trek related searches but that's fine. I'm right smack in the middle of somewhere.

I'm looking at the joeuser.com free blog hosting site. It's not as neat as blogspot, but considering that it's just starting it looks pretty okay.

I just signed up for myspace.com, kind of like a less stylish version of friendster. The account is pretty slow and unmoving, mostly because it hasn't caught on and nobody that I know--well, except for Xarra--is there.

It's Monday tomorrow, and I will have to drag my sorry ass to work again and stare at my terminal doing my never ending search for training seminars. It has occured to me that the more people I surf, the more people I will have to call next year.

Ah, 2004.

Everyone has been talking about the project and the possibility of an extension. In a way, I am a little scared. Even if I won't be along for the project extension, the idea of having to pound the pavement again looking for a job kind of scares me. But it's the reality of things, it's what you have to do.

I used to say that I would never last in a nine to five job, that i'd go crazy. But in reality, you don't have the time to go crazy. Halfway through the adjustment phase you get sucked in. You get stuck in this routine. Before you know it, you're braincells are dying from boredom but you've become too dependent on a regular paycheck to even try to break it off.

I don't want to get renewed, but with the looks of things...i'm going to be out of a job by June or July. Maximum of September. I should have earned enough money by then. I have insurance bills and car repairs, gas, net cards, phoneline and all my other stuff. I should earn enough money to at least pay for those in a year.

The thought of losing money scares me, more so since my former boss--may she stay my former boss--and my former best friend will be sending out her spies onto the world just to see how i'm going to do without their help!

Not to mention the bills and damages. I really do need to scrape up a writing job or two just to keep my head afloat. And I really do not want to do it with a steady job.

One thing is for sure, no school for me yet. I don't want to go back.

I used to dread coming to school.

High School was alright. Saint Mary's was so sheltered and everything was so structured and secure that you pretty much knew where you were going to go. The challenge of it all was how to rebel by the rules, but the system failsafe was so secure that there was minimal threat of ever really failing.

UST was different. I would sit there, wondering if all these people knew that I was not as smart as they all thought I was. That I never opened my books not because I was making a statement by not studying but simply because I didn't know how.

I didn't have any study habits. I would show up for tests without knowing the material. I would come in, listen to the teachers, and be completely frustrated because I wasn't hearing any of what i've come to learn.

And to think that it was such a privilage to sit there and just absorb. To be given money for school just so I could learn.

The only thing that UST taught me that served me well in the outside world was finding out that I was a really fuck-assed bad student. I was lazy, unfocused, smart-allecky, and bordering on belligerent.

But the truth wass I didn't want to be there. I was disappointed with the system. In the four years i've stayed there, I never once stumbled onto a topic that I had come in intending to learn.

It was as if i've been let down by the whole idea of organized learning, and I somehow cannot get over that.

I guess I'll just have to see what next year brings. I still have six months worth of pay checks coming in, hopefully i'll find some side job that will give me a hand up in saving.

Maybe i'll go back to school, maybe i'll persue writing full-time. Who knows what will happen.