All The Good Things

The thing about living here in Manila is that the place is never big enough...but it's never small enough either.

You do get to a point where it's the same people over and over, and it's six degrees of your life everyday. I suppose it's the first step to reaching a point where you suddenly know everyone--but know no one at the same time.

Where do you go, really?

I keep thinking of all those points in my life where I wanted something stable, like being a lawyer and married with kids. Having a nice two story house with mortgages and children going to private schools. Two maids to cook your meals and do your cleaning. On Sundays you go to Church, head out to mall to take the kids out for lunch, before settling home for the weekend. You do this routine until the kids grow up and even you get bored with it.

But you never notice it. You just get tired...of doing the same thing over and over. And you can't stop it because this is it.

They say that there is a think line between boredom and contentment, it's hard to stand on both.

Mediocrity scares me. I couldn't even imagine myself sitting in an office for eight hours straight, and yet I did it for more than a year. And I never noticed it.

I just went to work, did my job, went home exhausted. Thankful for primetime television, and mother cooking me good dinners.

I hated it, but I did it. I did it for the money, I did it for the security, I did it because it was something to do, and for the most part, that's what we all want, isn't it?

Our own place, with our own family. A feeling of being needed and something to do.

And there it is. The secret to life that we can't seem to accept.

Why is it that we all seek a simple answer, but when it reaches us--plain as day--we seek for a more complicated form?

I wish I could explain the reason why I can't deal with the status quo that my parents and everyone else seems to have set for me. Why I can't have a life where I go to work, come home tired, and live the life that the rest of the neighborhood seems to be living.

Something complicated isn't too bad, isn't it?