When You're Low On Gas

I don't think i've eaten right for the past week.

Don't get me wrong, if you've met me, you'd probably think i've haven't eaten right since I was 7. I'm about 5'5 and weigh less than a hundred pounds (I think i'm around 90 or 95 now, I've stopped checking)

I have a big appetite, I don't throw it up, I just burn food faster than most people. I eat most of the time too (which is the way to go, little portions throughout the day)

Anyway, ever since i've been home, i've tried to set up a healthier lifestyle. Mostly to take advantage of the resources I have here: (better) home cooked meals, getting the right amount of sleep, having your own schedule, etc. etc.

But the past few weeks, i've been skipping some meals in order to write or do more research. I've spent more time staring at my PC or writing development notes than I did doing work when I was working in an office.

And I guess it's taking a toll on me.

I have a weeks worth of laundry, my room is a mess, I have trouble sleeping unless i'm absolutely exhausted, and my eyes are blurring up and i'm beginning to lose concentration because of the skipped meals.

I lost my provisional receipt for my workshop, so I am hoping they have a copy of that because it doesn't look like i'll be finding it. But I did find the following things: some unopened VCDs that I didn't know I bought and own. Unused cell card. Two thousand bucks.

Yesterday, Mark and I went out for Shawarma (for the foreigners: it's the Middle East's answer to a roastbeef sandwhich) because I needed to get out. I hadn't really eaten lunch or breakfast, so I was a bit woozy by then.

But even though I knew I was hungry...I just couldn't feel it. Like it wasn't important.

I had a donut and some Ritz crackers, a glass of water. I was in the middle of doing some research on generational satanic cults (replacing the script that was a bit too close to Jersey Girl. Karen thinks it's a complement that I think like Kevin Smith)

I just...it was stunning, having to sit there and just read. It was a bit like the time when I did profiling research, since some of the same topics came up.

Mark came by to chat and borrow my copy of 28 Days Later (nice film). It was hard trying to get off the research high, but he's always been pretty good company. We ended up driving out to by these special Shawarma's from Lagro for dinner. Highlight of the the night was me looking for Mark's cellphone in the car which turned out to be in my hand.

Up until then, the joke about me being frazzled was kind of cool. I'd flubbed up a number of times for the past two days: forgetting to turn off the lights, where I placed my glasses (duh), time-date. Names of people, I guess.

I got a nice lecture about hunger and two shawarma's in return.

Oh well, welcome to the hunger point I guess. It's funny though, how my creativity seem to flourish on that narrow point between satiation and hunger. That window in time where you're so focused--you know you're hungry, you know you have to go--but you just have to write. That point before you can't think straight because you're body is starting to shut down.

If only we could sustain that place.