SAW

Just saw the trailer to SAW.

I've known about it since last year, but didn't get a chance to see it until now. Rhem gave me the link and I just...watched it.

It was...FUCKED UP.

It's the kind of thing you would see in those first person slasher games, with a little psychological thriller on the side.

I don't know, it's just...I wonder sometimes on just how many ways a criminal can be creative in their ways of killing?

Serial killer pretty much have the same shelf life as a basketball player. They get burned out around their late 30's, slow down during their forties, and it's rare that you get someone over 50. There are only so many ways that you can kill a person.

SAW is just...I don't know why it disturbed me. Maybe because it makes me ask a question that I would have preferred not to ask. Ever. Even hypothetically.

Save yourself or your loved ones?

For some, it's not even a question. The answer has always been there...or is it?

If you were placed in a situation between yourself and your loved ones, just how would you react? A mother would, instinctively, protect her child. As a father would protect his own progeny, to further his bloodline...but how many of us would protect their mate? A virtual stranger in their lives until a neurochemical misfire told you that this person was, suddenly, important to you?

What about a friend?

It made me think about what my mom had asked me, about "my former friend".

What the hell made me think that she would choice friendship over her own mother? What made us think that she would defend us to her parents?

It occurs to me that she would rip my lungs out to save herself, not to save herself, but that it would upset her parents to have her die. That I would be a worthy sacrifice.

We used to play a modified version of Icebreaker.

One day, the question was: Would you sacrifice my life for the fate of a million people?

If an entity had appeared in front of me and said "Would you spare so-and-so, and have a million people die? Or would you save them?"

My first answer was "No. Why this specific person? If you had to chose him out of a million, then he must be important."

It's a warped view of "What if it had been Jesus?" Jesus may have chosen to die for us, but I don't know how He would have looked at it had the question of his sacrifice been posed to me. Not a good idea, offending JC.

But if it had been a tactical maneuver, had it been on a battlefield, my answer may have been different. Could easily be yes.

My former friend said no, she would never sacrifice me. Not for a million people.

I think, we should have asked, "What if the million included your parents?"

I don't need to her hear answer. Don't even need to ask it. And though it's screwed up, I think i'm glad in knowing that she would have pushed me off the boat.

It makes her easier to forget.