First Loves

My little cousin Lara had her first boyfriend.

It would have been a cute situation, since she's only turning 17 and this is her first relationship and she's getting out into the world, etc. etc.

The bad thing is, she didn't tell us that she had one, and he turned out to be some psycho.

Shit that doesn't happen to other people happen to me, the same goes with some of my aunts, and now my cousin is learning the same thing.

I'm disappointed that she didn't tell us, but i'm not judging her for what she did. Heaven knows I've kept--and still keep--worse secrets than that.

What annoys me and even frustrates me is that she doesn't recognize the severity of the situation.

In most cases, this would have gone on without a hitch. Not all 17 year old kids threaten their exes and her friends when she breaks up with him, and they most certainly do not threaten slander through the net and even have the audacity to tell my aunt about it.

My mom told me all about this the day after I came back from the workshop, as soon as I'd woken up, been fed, and settled back into earth somewhat.

We were discussing the events at the workshops over some Mussel Chips (you have got to try those, they are amazing!) when she brought this up. My first thought was "I go away for a week, and this fucking happens?"

Of course, I acted cooler than that and just asked her what in the world my cousin was thinking for hooking up with such an idiot.

My mom gave me the details, but did not really pass any sort of judgement. Mainly because I'd yet to hear my cousin's side of the story.

It remained "The Topic" around the house, since my aunt has taken a turn for the worse and is in the hospital getting some radiation, and we had to worry about Lara's welfare. So "The Topic" brewed for two days before I finally got to hear "her side".

I took Lara out for pancakes when we went to visit my aunt last Sunday, and...what I heard really just...disappointed me. Annoyed me, scared the shit out of me, and just...opened my eyes to the realities that she is growing up.

For the past two years, Lara has sort of been my baby. If she didn't tell me what was happening in her life, I was informed by somebody. If she needed something, I knew about it and tried my best to provide it.

In those times that I lived with them, discipline was provided by me and I was pretty strict. She was easier to handle at 15 and even 16, but now...

Now...well now, I am dealing with a 17 year old who's hormones are zinging around with a mind that's somehow welded shut.

It took some clever interrogation from my part to pry the whole story out from her, and suffice to say neither of us were very happy after the facts spilled out.

Like any hot-blooded teenager, my cousin is into boys. Add her charm, her exclusive school upbringing, and this...naive attraction to the opposite sex, and you have yourself a catholic school girl newly sprung out of exclusive school jail.

If you came from an all girls school, you would know.

That she would put herself in a situation like that just made me want to reach over and smack her, for her not to understand the situation and learn from it...makes me want to throttle her.

What's sadder is that my mom and everyone else has given up on her. After this fiasco, and her recent rebellious behavior, everyone has labeled her as a flake. Actually, the words they used were worse than that, but I refuse to say it in reference to her.

That made me feel worse, their having given up on her.

So she's misguided, so she likes to flirt, the girl has no idea what the hell she is doing.

My aunt is 60, times were significantly different from when they were teenagers to Lara's time. Heck, the boys nowadays are different from the ones I met then!

I feel like smacking her around, just telling her that you do not just go out there and start laying on the charm to any idiot who gives you attention.

I myself indulge in a little harmless flirting, it's fun for a good time. But it frightens me that she would go into these things without using her head. With her, it comes naturally, and that scares me even more.

There is a fine line between teasing and getting raped, and you have to be careful not to cross it.

She is slowly getting to that phase where she is teasing, and I don't think she's aware of it. And that just fucking scares me.

She has to understand that you don't flirt to lead people on, that sometimes this hurts people. It amuses me and frustrates me that I have to be the one to explain all this.

It kills me that she won't listen, that this situation--which hasn't been resolved yet--does not scare her. That she won't believe me when I tell her how easily things could escalate, if the guy wasn't put under control.

And now I have to manage things from both sides of the fence.

I don't want my cousin saddled with some sort of reputation--not by my family, and not by affluent friends. I don't want them to write her off because she made a mistake when she was 17. This isn't the kind of mistake that you should live with for the rest of your life.

On the other hand, I want to make her realize the situation, of how things are and where they are heading. And I have no idea how to make her understand short of just being blunt and possibly shocking the hell out of her.

My cousin is probably the only one I treat with kid gloves, mainly because I don't want to hurt her. But if she persists on this irrational behavior that she is exhibiting, then I am going to have to put my foot down and be the vicious cousin turned governess again.

And that's the thing...I am just the cousin. I am not her mom, she is not my daughter, and it is not my job to be raising her.

But it still feels like it's my responsibility anyway. That I should provide better guidance, especially now that this is happening.