A Ghost To Haunt Me

I was finishing my job application requirements today when a call from a very unexpected person came in.

An old, old friend of mine called. We hadn't talked for close to two years.

I could hear my mom hovering outside my door as the two of us talked. She answered the call and was just as surprised as I was.

The reason the two of us hadn't talked for so long was because her problems were beginning to sap my energy. I was still recovering from my depression and had just made the biggest decision of my life. I didn't think I was up to dealing with her monster problems.

And they were always monster problems.

So one day...I just stopped receiving her calls. I lied, made myself scarce, or sometimes I screened and didn't answer.

It was a mean thing to do, but it was...at the time, it was the smart thing to do.

Now, two years later, she's back and it's the same thing. The same old problems, only with a stronger intensity.

Only I was different.

I told her about my life right now, how I was doing, that I was no longer friends with Christine, how our other friends were doing...

I used to be the best counselor. A lot of people came up to me with their problems, and I was the girl with the coffee and seemingly all the answers. Or at least most sense.

I was a lot of other people's crutch, so when the depression hit, they didn't know why I was suddenly incapable of rendering my services as the wisened listener. And of course, none of them were willing to listen. Almost all of them did not understand why I wasn't up to dealing with them.

I told her that. I think she felt guilty, but to be honest she was more concerned of what was happening right now.

Her name was posted on a school messageboar, which brokered a string of topics about her supposedly loose reputation...they called her a slut.

The words were out of my mouth before I even thought of it and I think my explanation shocked her.

It was all old news and quite frankly, a long time coming. I never told her because I always assumed that she knew what people were saying behind her back. It's only fair. You behave a certain way, so you should be responsible for all the gossip that centers around you.

She told me she wanted some closure:from her ex boyfriend, to her ex friends...I told her that these people weren't ready to deal with things yet. That they were--for a change--dealing with their life. That the only closure she was ever going to get was if she moved on, because these people had gone to other problems without her.

Life has changed. I found myself both glad and guilty for being so blunt.

Two failed suicide attempts, that's all she gave for assurance that she was going to be okay. She wasn't up for a third though I don't think I was fine with that. Some people always go for the charm, especially when you least expect it.

I hung up after hitting another all time low. My mother came in and harassed me about the phone conversations and the status of the new job hunt, which resulted in a fight.

An old ghost is back to haunt me...and I have a really bad headache to prove it.