It's All About The Money

I might just be able to afford that PC upgrade that i've been wanting--as well as a new TV--without having to dip too much into my bank account.

It seems pretty funny, because I don't necessarily know what i'm saving for.

I know I need to have money in the bank for...whatever. I also need a bunch of other stuff--fix my car, uy a laptop. Money for when I don't work next year...

You have to make sacrifices.

But thinking of what I went through last year, of running out of money...it was pretty horrible, and I wasn't even out on the street.

It's scary, being poor. Being in debt. And I wasn't even starving, I was no where near the gutter and yet I was panicking.

My friend Karen and I were talking about that last night. How we both lived in Ivory Towers and didn't seem to know what went on in the world around us. What was normal, what everyone else felt.

I think, in being the observer, we somehow ostracized ourselves from the crowd. We spent a lot of time living inside our heads, parsing the information we just saw, and as a result, just...stayed there. It's really not uncommon for any one of my friends to just say frozen for a few hours, processing an obervation or an idea.

I guess i'm just frustrated right now.

Success doesn't come overnight, I know that and although I am working pretty hard, I still don't think i'm working as hard as I should be. There are a lot of things that play into writing a script. Much as I'd want to say I'm a natural at it, no script is ever really done that way. It's mostly just made to look that way. I honestly can't even get the language right.

I don't speak Filipino as much as I should, I don't use it as much as I should. But now i've gotten better at it. So for that, i'm pretty thankful.

I'm just going crazy right now. I hate thinking about money, but I imagine that people think about it more than 50% of the time. Between that and sex I guess the human mind can be a bit of a sleazeball.

Oh well. Dinner.