Are you doing homework?

For some reason, traffic to my site spiked today because a bunch of people were asking "What is a flunky?". I kid you not, those were the exact words and they landed on my site.

Well, you won't find it here. I suggest you go get a dictionary...although I think it means lame-ass sidekick. Or idiot followers. Kinda like a posse, only this time it's some bully and his stupid lunch room crowd...Cobra and the bad guys in blue...Megatron and the rest of the Decepticons...Barbie and friends!

21 Days and Counting...

This is week three of the enforced "hunger strike", proudly brought to you by my sponsors: "my mother".

For the past twenty or so days, my mother has taken up the much worthy cause of forcing me to go take a corporate job by refusing to feed me. Or rather, refusing to call me to the table to eat and never leaving leftovers...but let's give her credit. She did during the first week, but when she found that I wouldn't cave, she stopped.

So now, it's either "starve" or "come to the table and eat your pride".

Now pride is an interesting meal. It has no taste, no texture, and after 48 hours of subsisting on just one piece of bread, hardly filling. Yet for something unsubstantial, you'll be amazed at how much this can fuel you through the days. It opens your mind to new possibilities (or is it delusions?) and be a source of motivation.

Hunger, on the other hand, is something quite different. I suppose it can mean many different things to several kinds of people. For one, I can't tell what it's like to be a hungry homeless guy. Neither can I tell you what it's like for an anorexic who is desperately trying to miss her next meal.

I can only tell you what it's like for a near 26 year old writer still at home with her parents and still be hungry.

1. Pride and hunger come hand in hand.

When what's being served is your pride and self-worth, you will find the will to work and still skip that next meal.

2. If what's being served is your pride and self-worth, it becomes easy to quantify what exactly they're worth.

Is it worth four hot meals, peppered with well-meaning but painful advice? Is that piece of chicken worth the insults that you're going to take when you eat it? How long can you last with just one small meal in a day so long as you can live out your ambition?

3. When you have none, but live in a place that has a lot, it becomes easier to be hungry.

Like I said, I can't describe what it's like to be homeless and hungry. I don't know what it's like to live day by day, not knowing where your food is going to come from. But if you can't afford to go out to eat all the time, and table scraps from your own table is pretty much what you rely on, it's pretty easy for you to want more.

4. Sleeping becomes a wonderful option.

Hunger takes a lot of energy, not just physical but mental. You really can't think. Your hands ache and your arms become heavy. You wonder if you'll be able to stand up. When you get to that point, it's easy for your brain to succomb to that mental exhaustion. Forgetting stuff you thought about five minutes ago, retracing your steps to remember what it is again. Being tired for just thinking what it was you were thinking about. It gets easy to be beaten by your own body, and without any food, you do the next best thing to recharge. You sleep.

5. Remembering that dreams are for free.

I used to be able to control my own dreams. I still can to a certain extent, but not as lucid as I used to. It's a skill, and just like any other skill, you lose it when you don't use it. It's not like riding a bike. But the good thing about it, is that you can pick it up again, and depending on how your going to deal with yourself when you wake up, it's a great place to stow hunger: You can eat all you want. You can be wherever you want to be.

I don't dream about McDonalds, but I have dreamt about eating. I try not to be disappointed when I wake up. But then again, I usually go to bed praying that i'll dream about solving the kinks in my storyline.

6. Pity is your number one enemy.

I can't speak for other circumstances, but I think this is pretty universal. I used to have this question, of whether or not it was better to beg for food or beg for money when you were too poor and hungry.

I'm not munching on Oreos from a trash bin yet, but if you have to give up eating even if it is to follow your bliss, you can feel pretty sorry-ass fucked up for yourself. It's not easy being hungry, especially when you know that there's food. It's much easier to be angry and sorry for yourself, and tthat requires a lot of mental energy. Which is why you constantly have to remind yourself: you're following your bliss.

7. Food has new meaning.

Last week Xarra and I ate at Triple V's Ultimate Buffet. It was the first real meal I'd had in four days and having been a big eater, my mind went into shock. But I just had one plate and coughed down four pieces of salmon sushi. One plate. Xarra thought I was dying, she'd never seen me eat so little. She also fet like I didn't get my money's worth.

But I did. Sitting there, I wanted to cry. I'd had rice and kare-kare, and by the time I reached the sushi I wanted to throw up, I was so full. Having nothing for so long, my stomach couldn't handle the sudden rush of food. Everything looked so good, just smelling them filled me. If we hadn't been in a hurry maybe I would have thrown up, because as Xarra said, when would I get to eat that much again?

I have no idea. But I have to say that it was worth it. Because for the past three weeks, that's what it's been.

How much is your bliss? What exactly is your dream worth? What are you willing to give up just to get there?

I know I can't afford to move out. I also know that I cannot afford to have a full time corporate job. Not if I want to get to where I want to.

Right now it seems like I am looking at the rest of my life. I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that I have a choice when it comes to where I want to be career wise, and i'm making a decision.

If that choice means skipping another meal, then i'll do it. If that choice means living another year at home, i'll take it. If that choice means losing my parents respect, then i'll do that. Although if this is how they're judging me, I don't think they ever did respect me in the first place. Or whether I want that respect.

I've seen way too many people reach the end of their life regretting that they never made that sacrifice. Because when you're at the precipice, staring at the void, things like a hot meal and what other people think suddenly have very little meaning.

Follow your bliss, and everything will fall into place.

The glass is half-full...I hope

Things I learned in the past two weeks:

1. Man cannot live on bread alone. Instead, he needs more of the following staples: meat, vegetables, meat, fruit, meat, desserts, meat, a cocktail of vitamins, meat, a combination of wheats, and meat

2. When a fully sworn meat eater (such as myself) does not get her daily ration of tender lovin' protein, she will start to feel hungry, no matter how much bread she consumes.

3. And will ostensibly be more hungry the lesser bread she consumes.

4. Skipping meals, bread or otherwise, will lead also lead to being hungry. Skipping a succession of meals will thus make you hungrier.

5. If you've reached the ier stage, then no amount of bread, breadsticks, bread crumbs, chocolate covered or otherwise, will alleviate that hunger. It will only get rid of the ier.

6. Being hungry for more than two days will result to a headache.

7. Being hungry and sitting in front of the PC for a long time makes you ultra sensitive to the light and will result into a bigger headache.

8. It sucks to sleep hungry.

9. It's worse when you wake up hungrier.

10. The headache is a lot worse too.

Where does it all go...

I was reading the interview of Eddie Romero on last Sunday's Starweek when it hit me: the Philippine filmmaker of the decade made a string of US B-movies.

Granted, he hated it, but it brought on an unexpected cult following. Something, I guess, that he never really expected.

So the guy is now somewhat of a legend here and abroad, which is a feat that a lot of local directors have always dreamed of but found it hard to achieve.

I had the privilage of meeting Eddie Romero when he was the assigned guru for the Directing Class at the Tagaytay Film and Television Workshops.

It was lunch time, me and some classmates from the screenwriting module were scrambling to gobble up a meal so we could get back to work when we saw him sitting at the table across from us. He and his wife were talking to some of the other gurus and looked to be having a great time.

Shocked to be in the same room of such greatness, we pushed ourselves to take in more bites even as we deliberated on how to approach him to say "hi".

None of us had ever seen any of his films in tis entirety, but can you blame us if there's no damn copy of any of his movies?

If there is one thing that I have come to hate is that there seems to be no way to purchase old Filipino movies. Sure, the latest ones are all in DVDs and VCDs, but what about the classics? The ones done by Sampaguita and LVN? Where are they now?

I'm sure film students get access to these in film school, but what about the rest of us?

Me and my cousin Lianne used to get our fill of BWs by watching it on the local channels as weekend afternoon specials. After all the variety shows were done, they would usually showcase a film--usually done by Sampaguita--before the gossip shows. (Some of them also came out during the middle of the week which I saw in lieu of my afternoon nap)

I'm not saying that all romcoms produced nowadays are crap, but there is a certain romanticism that was present in the old black and white films that's just missing in what i'm seeing today.

Maybe because all the women are so assertive that it borders on angry and aggressive, and that the men harbor so many issues that they all come off as angsty and mental--even the ones that ride the motorcycles and the thuggish leather jacket.

The dramas are still up to par, but the romcoms? There's a certain magic that seems to have gone.

Anyway, the problem of how to meet Eddie Romero was solved when the guru saw us choking while we gawked openly at them. He called us over and gave the necessary introductions.

Standing there and shaking his hand, all of us probably felt like spewing the banana that we just ate as a sign of our utmost awe, but our throats were frozen as he wished us goodluck in our writing careers.

Back then, I only knew that he directed "Ganito Kami Noon, Paano Kayo Ngayon". I probably would have spewed had I known that he directed a string of B-movie cult classics.

After all, we can make romcoms and Pinoy can most certainly make a good drama. But a B-movie with a cult following?

Even Hollywood has trouble producing that.

The Wonderful World of Levelers

Josh Olson, the guy who wrote A History of Violence, is nominated for an Oscar for " Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published".

Now, A History of Violence is a wonderful movie, and I like it. For a character based writer, the way he lead us through the story was amazing.

But that's not why I like him.

I like him because he wrote Infested, one of the GREATEST B MOVIES OF. ALL. TIME. It's got guts, gore, the hilariously cheesy lines, a little of the required nudity, and a soundtrack that's designed to tranq you into sitting there and watching the whole thing. (Not to mention leave a hard case of Last Song Syndrome)

I picked it up because a) Robbie McNeill is in it, and b) I love B-movies, they're perfect if you just want watch something ridiculously entertaining without ever thinking too much, when your brain just wants to sit there passed out on a bean bag or lazing around with cola and a bag of popcorn.

I couldn't stop smiling when I accidentaly found a copy in my video store, looking like a total idiot when I paid for the most expensive VCD i've ever bought ($10.00!) I didn't care, I didn't even know it was going to be sold in the Philippines.

I originally watched it for the McNeill factor, but boy, that movie sure fuckass surpassed my expectations!

At the back of my head, I wondered why the hell Robbie did this. I mean, it's funny as hell, but it's a B-Movie. Maybe the director was talented?

Turned out that the writer and director was Josh Olson, who'd written some shorts and a TV movie, but nothing big so far.

So him being nominated for an Oscar is just mind-blowing. That is like the fuck-ass golden ticket. You can't get anymore diverse than having A History of Violence and Infested your resume. It gives us hope.

Josh man, YOU ROCK.

To Meme Again

Stuck at home with the flu. Missing yet another awards event, though this time for the Bayaning Filipino awards and not something film related.

Going to all these awards nights makes me wonder if I will one day get up there and get an award of my own. The last award that I got was...gee. A medal from a debate competition.

Anyway, here I am catching up on a couple of emails. Probably the first time I have been home for a whole week without going out and ever worrying about anything (insert sigh of relief here)

This meme is taken from Josh Friedmanns blog. Because I find his cynicism so damn inspiring.

ONE (1) earliest film-related memory:
1985. Santa Claus with Dudley Moore. The first movie that I remember seeing in the theaters. I went there thinking I was really going to meet Santa. Got a candy cane instead.

TWO (2) favorite lines from movies:

I only have one and it's the mother of all Pinoy movie quotes.

"You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat!"

Some people wait their whole lives just to be able to say that line. I can't even remember who said it (Cherry Gil?) or what damn movie it was. That quote is so popular it needs it's own media kit.

THREE (3) jobs you’d do if you could not work in the “biz”:
NBI Special Agent
JAG Lawyer
creative writing teacher

...What the HELL happened.

FOUR (4) jobs you actually have held outside the industry:
-Admin Assistant for an American consulting firm
-Technical Assistant for an American consulting firm
-Marketing Associate for an American marketing firm
-Korean ESL teacher

...heh. they're all foreign firms.

THREE (3) book authors you like:
Jay McInerney
Ray Bradbury
Arthur C. Clarke

TWO (2) movies you’d like to remake or properties you’d like to adapt:
Loreto Paras-Sulit's The Harvest (Someday I will)
Macross live action movie. I'm a big dork, okay?

ONE (1) screenwriter you think is underrated:

Josh Friedmann!!!