Old Friends

Sometimes I'm reminded of how age can so relative.

Just when I thought i'd heard everything that my old boss (thank God) had done, something new crops up that has her sinking lower.

Okay kids, can you say "pathetic"?

It's both annoying and amusing to find a 50 year old woman trying to accuse a 23 year old girl of spreading rumors that she herself started?

The funny part is, she think she's right because technically, I did say those things...even though it was more in agreement to most of what she said. Woman even had the gal to quote me by verbatim on shit that I never really said.

Who the hell does that?

And I thought I was whacked in the head. I've heard of dirty politics, but this is downright ridiculous. Part of me is somewhat flattered that she would consider me as a sizable threat, but to actually sink so low as to make shit up...man, that's commitment.

It kind of scares you into thinking that some people never really grow out of some things.

My great fear is that I will never grow out of being a clutter. I guess I'll find out when I get my own place, but see, you sort of hope you'll change. You want to change.

This kind of attitude...damn, it just blows me.

For one election year, I was part of the UST political scene. Not as a major player, but as a campaign supporter. I saw what it was like to have high school kids squabbling over a position that never really held much power--at least, not in my opinion.

Nobody cares about the UST student government. We somewhat care about our college student government, but we don't give a shit about the major electoral council. We never saw them, didn't know them, didn't care to know them...

And yet here were college kids, sending death threats via text, voicemal, email and plain old paper, to active party managers and candidates. Smear campaigns were carefully and tastefully launched, posters were ripped, rumors were spread, court cases were filed...and it's just the fucking college government. Ours doesn't even have as much pull as UP or Ateneo, as there are no future politician vying for the roles. (they were all busy training on the debating team)

I thought that was the lamest...and now I have this.

I never thought anyone that old could be capable of doing something like that to someone two decades younger....it's frigging unbelievable.

Game On

I must admit, i've never been much of a gamer...oh heck, I've never been a gamer period.

My gaming life started and ended with the Nintendo family computer, where I played one airplane game so much that I heard the soundeffects in my sleep.

My parents were heavily into Galaga, quietly displacing me from my perch in front of the console with orders of homework, then starting their nightly wager on who could trump who (and the bets aint low either, 1k was a lot in those days)

But when everyone moved on to the Ness, the SNess, and the Nintendo Ultra 64--which I secretly longed for, thank God I didn't get it--I was left severely behind. I wanted to play them mainly because I wanted to play Macross games (I was obsessed) but I really couldn't afford the systems, much less find the time to play them.

I moved on a bit to arcade gaming with yet another flight sim game. I didn't get Daytona, don't get it still, but one hot sumer day I poured some money into a flight sim game and actually ended up finishing it. I wasn't in the top three, but somehow this earned the respect of several gamers who ended up watching me as I passionately blew up binary planes.

Love affair ended when the mall sold the game off to make way for new ones...none of them flight sim (sigh)

When the PC revolution started, I picked up on Heretic, mainly because it was bundled free with my CDROM. The whole first person thing did somehow enthrall me, but not enough for me to pour some money into it, even in a bunch of pirated CDs.

Then Star Craft and Red Alert came out, and I was still docked in the shadows. I think I was into debate. I played Outpost though, which is a cheaper spinnof which my cousin bought in the states for--well, really cheap. Caught my attention for a little while before I moved on after a span of...gee, a month?

I think I would have picked up on a PS2 or even an Xbox if I wasn't sure that I would be seriously addicted.

Games are an ADD kids way to sanity. All that noise and fast action gore melt into this focused goo that most people would have found distracting. We're used to everything happening at once, so when you have shit coming in from all direction, we assume that everything is normal. And for kicks, we load up on caffeine, to better concentrate on our games.

And since I can neither afford, keep up, or even have time to spare for a game, I've decided to steer clear from game systems and end the affair even before it's begun.

Though I regret not getting a joystick for my PC and not playing the microsoft flight sim game...or any PC flight sim game, for that matter. It's an addiction. I think in my past life I was a fighter pilot blasting away in some biplane.

Now...well, now I am seriously looking into the Chronicles of Riddick PC game spinoff.

Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay is an Xbox release now looking at a new life in PC. It's supposed to be a far cry from the film, though with Vin being a huge gamer, i'm sure he tried to make at least this right.

I didn't really like Riddick all that well. I think Pitch Black was a good movie, but I think the jump they made from PB to TCoR was just too much of an ambitious leap.

Most people complain of Vin's lack of acting skills, but fuck, who the hell watches this kind of movie for the acting? You watch it for the action, the story, and (for the women) some gratitious looks of a delectibly sweaty Vin.

(Though for the record, I sincerely believe he can act, he's just been stereotyped in these kinds of movies)

I don't think the story made that much sense. I think the setup was too...rushed. The jump from this dark sci-fi thriller to fantasy was just too extreme. It's like the Kia selling off it's blah as the new Benz.

Sure it looks like the Benz, it somehow even performs like the Benz, heck maybe it even smells like the Benz, but see, it's not a Benz. Never will be. Deep down it's still a Kia, and who the hell wants a fake Benz?

And Riddick came off as that...fake. The story was okay for the most part, but with the way it was hyped up, it just didn't live up to my expectations.

But Vin was there, and we like Vin, and come on, who the hell wouldn't watch the sequel after that cliff hanger ending? I'm sure people went out thinking "Maybe things will get better once he goes back to Furia. Maybe next time he'll get a better girlfriend...heck, maybe he'll end up with Thandie Newton"

Though for a franchise, this movie sure batted a hundred. Toys, shirts, books, comic books, animation and game spin-offs, hell bumper stickers, this film just primed it up and cooked it to a turn.

I heard TCor: Dark Fury was great, maybe because the writer for it was great (see how important the writer is, even though he's the least mentioned?) and now TCoR the game turns out to be quite the hit.

Okay, so I'm contemplating on getting it because I like Vin. But I geeked enough to at least check the reviews for this and it all went pretty well. I'm not sure i've developed enough screen-keyboard-mouse coordination for me to be any good at this, but with me holed in my room, who the hell cares?

Maybe it will get me playing again. I'm already addicted to Flash 2's Virtual Drag Racer (v's 1 and 2) and that Bounce game is just damning....Yeah, I'm a sucker for free games.

All in all, with my new life working from home and being one with my PC, I need something that will improve my motor skills besides working out, and since i'm not much for badminton--which is taking the country by storm--this looks to be a great alternative.

If not, I can at least stare at the graphics. The lead looks so much like Vin it's fucking scary.

Another Day At Work

I'm supposed to be working right now doing some research on the internet as a money-job.

Of course, with my transportation needs, it doesn't even come close to paying the bills. I need to finish it for this week, but for some reason, I can't get myself to do it.

I know I will, I have a deadline. This has been hanging over my head for the better part of the week, but with other career stuff and errands, i've had to put it off until today.

So now here I am, stalling the inevitable. I really should do something about my habit of procrastinating. I like to do things at the last minute, but at this point I don't think that kind of behavior is possible.

I'm doing a lot of growing up this year. I don't know what that means really, except that things have taken a more serious turn. More complicated decisions, more dire situations. I keep wondering when things got to be so serious...heh, maybe when I left Ecogov.

There's so much work to be done--personally and professionaly--that I keep wondering why I never realized this when I was younger. Though I don't know if I could have handled this if I was a teenager.

I still don't regret any of things that I've ever done. I wish i'm making more money now, mainly because I need it, but if I had to do things over again, I would--strangely enough--do the exact same thing.

Aspirations

I'm doing penance for this week. Today is day one and it's killing me.

I was thinking of fasting, but considering that I now workout for an hour and a half day--40-60 minutes of that aerobic--I don't think it's a pretty good idea to cut down on food for the next nine days.

The last time I did this, my mother nearly dragged me to a shrink to see if I was anorexic.

In fact, she's still convinced that I'm anorexic, even if I do gobble up twice the amount that she does. Though now I am beginning to understand that whole working-out=gratification thing.

Maybe it's not instant, but with my weight and metabolism, it sort of can be.

I usually start shedding the pounds in two weeks. When I first started running-30 minutes every other day-I started noticing the difference within the first week. When I quit, I gained them back--worse this time--but I quickly found out that I was pretty efficient in losing fat.

I'm not going to be obsessive about it, but looking at it now, it's easy to see why some people can lose themselves with the whole weight issue.

I don't count calories, since heaven knows I burn pretty fast. Though because of my MVP and my parents ages, we do try and watch the cholesterol.

But it's weird when you start seeing the results and the first thing that comes into your mind is "I can do better".

That my stomach can be flatter if I stretch my cardios, or do more crunches. Or spotting the flab quicker than usual. Your mind goes nuts and you begin to ask yourself whether your body really does need the additional workout or this is the beginning of some serious disorder.

I don't know if it's just me, since no matter how good I do in something, I always end up saying "I can do better".

I don't think i've ever been completely satisfied with something I've done. Not to say that I am discontented with other people's work. I give credit where credit is due. I'm proud of my friends accomplishments, and I never critisize their work unless they ask me to.

But it's different if it's my work. I go nuts if i's something that matters to me. Even if people are pleased with the results, I always think of all the mistakes I made and how I can do better the next time. How the next one can be 100%. I'm kind of Borg that way.

So it's a bit mind bending to look at yourself and say "gee, yeah, that little pouch is still kind of there...and hang on...is it worse?" when you're probably trimmer than you were a month ago. Only now, you're just...more critical of your body.

I can see why some people say it's a control issue. How some people will go to extremes just to try and get that cardboard cutout figure. It's easier to tell yourself to skip a meal, maybe an 30 minutes more to the routine, or maybe eat less when the rest of your life is crap and severely out of your hands.

I'm kind of thankful that I love to eat, because it's pretty easy to get fucked up when you're in my position.

Writing takes a lot of ego. Submitting your work is almost like auditioning. You go around peddling your work, even though they tell you it's not personal, it's hard to pad yourself against all rejection. So it's all a balance of pleasing yourself and the editors at the same time, since you have to eat and sell your work.

If you find an outlet like working out, and see the immediate results, you do kind of get addicted to it.

The exercise itself brings a natural high. Endorphins race, you feel detoxified, your heart is pumping and adrenaline surges through.

It's a legal drug.

I hope I don't read much into this thing. Luis didn't show any major results in his stepper routine until six months, so I oughto be doing pretty good if I'm showing a lot of improvement in a month.

It's a nice way to get your sense of gratification, though hopefully it won't be my only sense of gratification--nope, not if I can help it.