There's Always The Next Year

My aunt just died today.

She's been sick for two years, and today at 7pm, she finally gave up her fight with breast cancer. My parents are at the hosptital taking care of business, while I was here wrapping up some left-over projects.

So yeah, i'm home alone this New Year. But it's hard to feel sorry for yourself when your aunt is dead and you're really just...melancholy during New Years.

I tried ordering some pizza for myself, but alas. Even Pizza Hut was closed for the holidays. My other aunt invited me over to their house, but I just didn't feel like dealing with people today.

So I made some hot cocoa and popped in a DVD of Love Actually and got even more smarmy over my New Year.

At midnight my parents called me from the hospital to ask me how I was doing. I told them I was okay, but I called my mom "auntie" twice because I couldn't hear her and was just going thought the "Greet anyone Happy New Year" mode.

It's been surreal.

No new year's eve dinner, no plans for tomorrow. Probably start on my next project while I wake up early and help out at home, since my parents will most likely come in at around 6 am.

Anyway, when the fireworks started I thought of just staying in because...I just didn't feel like coming out. My neighbors all bought these kickass fireworks, but I told myself "Well, there's always next year"...until I realized that maybe there wouldn't.

Who knows what can happen, right? My aunt knew she was going to die, but she didn't know that it would be this new year. I bet she thought she could squeeze in another fireworks display, or another dinner.

So even though I didn't want to, I came out and just...looked. Watched as my neighbors honked their horns, made some noise. Watched more fireworks.

I just kept thinking "What if I don't have a next year?"

So I watched. If not for me, then for my aunt. And for everyone who just didn't make it for another New Year.