Straight from the mouth of babes

According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry lonely women, you'll be dead soon.

Tina Fey, Head Writer, SNL

A Year and A Half

It has occured to me that this blog has been in existence for a year and a half. Hey. Imagine that.

Since people I know actually find me in this blog, I now make an effort to trackback once in a while and check is someone left some comment in my old posts.

There hasn't been much of a difference in the before and after except that:

a) I think I was funnier before than I am now. Or maybe I just ran out of material. A lot more things to bitch about when you're actually sitting in an office somewhere with a bunch of gossip mongers than in your room, typing away on your keyboard.

b) I'm a lot more serious now. Heaven help me, I actually grew up these past two years.

c) I actually managed to admit to myself that I want to be a writer. Hopefully not forever be a starving writer.

Hmmm...It is now 1:32 pm. Breakfast. (I am now on EST time)

Weirdness

You ever get that sudden feeling of weird discomfort in the pit of your stomach?

I'm not talking about a bathroom run here, but this feeling of...unsettledness, like something is wrong and you just can't figure out what.

I'm getting that feeling right now.

I hate that feeling. I hate not being able to tell what the hell is wrong, and what I can do to fix it. It's like those weirdass food cravings that you sometimes get, where you feeling like eating a particular food...you just don't know what?

I hate the feeling of uncertainty that this represents.

Matt Schulze

I've always been careful never to get sucked in by stereotypes, but this guy just blew me away.

Matt Schulze is probably one of the most underused actors in Hollywood. Seriously. He's one of the few people that I would love to see in a leading role (romantic leading role?) just so I could see where he'd take the part. Every time I see him in a movie, his acting just screams "I can do better".

Imagine my surprise to learn that he was Christian.

You don't hear about actors like that anymore. Usually, when I read an actor talk about their faith, it becomes a tool, or a quote. The answer is so standardized that you wonder if they really mean it, or if they just use faith not to lead them into a brighter path but for some gratification, like jerking off or going to a spa.

Religion has become a trend, like the new fad diets.

But this guy...whoa. He really stuck to his faith, and I admire him for that. Considering the image that they made up for him, it was really unusual for me to read about this.

"Even though you may lose faith. God never loses his faith in you."

When I read it, a part me just went "Whoa. Chupa said this...fuck, Vince said this." (He played Vince in The Fast and The Furious")

I know this happens a lot in Hollywood, but this case, the difference between actor and the real thing is amazing.

Matt, you ever do a movie outside the box, I'll be the first one there.

Teacher

Yesterday was my "official" last day in school. I haven't been going to school all week, but technically, my last day was yesterday.

In the course of my three month teaching career, I have gone through four student changes, five substitutes, six steady students, and gotten two close new friends.

One is a girl my age, Isabelle, who is like a 24 year old Korean version of my mother. I mean, it's weird. I always thought that I would never be friends with my mom, but this girl is so much like her it's uncanny.

The things we have in common are the things me and my mom have in common, and she likes bands that my mom either likes (my mom likes alternative rock) or I know she would have preferred.

When I left, I only went to school just for her. Then she texted me and told me that I wasn't just her teacher, I was her friend. That even though she didn't want me to leave, it was selfish of her to ask me to stay, especially since I had better benefits in my new job.

Then there's my twelve year old Ron.

That kid is a whiz. Grew three inches from the time he went here last December. He was abrely up to my ear when he came here, now he's close to my height and about to leave in two weeks.

He borrowed a teachers cellphone yesterday and texted me, asking me how I was and telling me that he missed me. I nearly cried.

That kid is so special. He is so smart, and he is so motivated. He is the smartest kid in his level in Korea. When we were bored and didn't feel like going by the book, we played word games, mostly code games.

He's so different from the other kids in that he is so introspective. He likes to observe. And he stuck to his own reasons for not using that damn e-dictionary and actually made it with a regular paperback dictionary (which he claimed was not only cheaper but better).

The two of us sort had this weekly ritual. I'd measure how much he grew in the week and we'd mark it up my classroom wall.

I felt so sad when a friend and co-teacher told me that he wasn't enjoying his new teacher, and that he kept coming to my class asking what time i'd be there.

I didn't think i'd ever get attached to these people, but somehow I did. Didn't think i'd be friends with them, but somehow we are now.

Ah, to be a teacher.

I told my friend Jonathan that most of the time I felt like a fake teacher, since I didn't have any teaching experience nor an education degree. He looked at me like I was crazy then pointed out "Well, they learn don't they? Then you're a teacher."

Just to be fair though, I don't think I was a very good teacher. I think I was better as their friend.

The Ride

My life, for the past month, has been like a frigging rollercoaster.

So many things has happened that I'm amazed that it's just February. I feel like a whole year has passed, and i'm stuck in the middle of some week.

I've got my fingers crossed over so many things now, that some days I wonder if it's all real, or this is just a joke: delays over my new job, fear over not being able to write, anxiety over not being able to deliver...failure.

There are days when i'll wake up in the middle of the night wondering if what I just had was a dream, or a dream connected to a memory. Days pass by so quickly that it's taking me longer to distinguish what's real.

Some days I can't believe that it's all happening, but I don't want to let go of any of it. I'm scared that i'll open my eyes one day and realize that it's all been a dream, and that I have to go through the next few weeks again.

It's exhausting, but I have so many things happening right now that I can't give up. This is the year where I know I have to push myself to my limits, just to see what I can do.

As my new boss is so fond of saying: cross your fingers.

Sacrifices...

If you could find true love--in it's most perfect and complete sense--but knew you'd die five years into the relationship...would you still have it?

Just a question brought on by a song and a really sucky (but smarmy) action movie with a really hunky guy...why else would I watch it, duh.

Blurry
by Puddle of Mud

Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far

[Chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway

[Chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me

Target Practice

Went to the shooting range today for target practice.

This is the first time I've ever fired live rounds. My dad gave me an air pistol when I graduated high school, and went through a couple of practice rounds until my mom told me to quit.

I did okay withthe air pistol, so naturally I expected to be somewhat good the first time I fired live. I was with my dad, a police officer, another shooter friend, and his ten year old son-Amos- who just happened to be a recruit for the RP Speed Shooting team.

I had a bit of performance anxiety before I started. They lent me Amos' gun, a .22mm pistol with a compensator, just to give me a feel of what it was like to fire live. The gun was so light that I felt like I was holding a toy, but the recoil definitely reminded me that this wasn't just another air gun that I was playing with.

They were all rather surprised that I did pretty good with my first round, except for maybe my dad.

He told me before I went up to the range that we all had to start somewhere, that he didn't expect me to fire dead shots, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted me to hit my marks.

I did better when I moved up to my dad's pistol--a Star .9mm--and was about average when I used my gun--a .22 revolver.

Of course, I had to suck at my own gun. The instructor told me that revolvers were pretty hard to aim, mainly because they were so heavy and I just wasn't used to the sights.

I've always been pro-gun. I'm still a fence sitter when it comes to other social issues, like stem cells or abortion or divorce, but gun control is something that I am totally sure of.

It's expensive, but I really do believe that if you want to own a gun, you should get it licensed and you ought to know how to use it. This was the first time I fired my revolver. Had I used it on an actual shoot-out, I probably would have hit a couple of bystanders or maybe a stray pot. Out of eight, I only got three dead on shots.

They told me that I should probably get a gun of my own and start practicing, since I was a pretty good shot, and right now I am really thinking about getting a .22 pistol for christmas. Or a .9mm if I can afford it.


They're thinking of going to the range again next week, and my dad is considering taking me there again. He wants me to get used to my gun, and I want to try the .45.

I need to build on my upper body strength though, and I really need to learn my gun. I'm not really after the speed here, but more of the accuracy.

Much like in cars, i'm not really after the speed, but more of precision driving. How to be a good driver.

I'll probably bring my rifle next week, see how I do with that. I much prefer sharp shooting, it focuses you more, and I think you can do that better with a rifle.

Ermm. We'll see.

It's been a long road indeed...

It's been a long road...

After four (long?) years, Star Trek: Enterprise is coming to an end.

...

I'm going to hide behind a multi-phasic shield and pretend to be surprised. Seriously, was there a trekkie out there who didn't see this coming?

That show was doomed as soon as the opening bars to their new "theme" started playing.

And if the sucky music didn't give it away, the addition of the name "Star Trek" soon after they boldy left the airwaves with just "Enterprise" confirmed that the shows, indeed losing.

It's a matter of formula, really.

Some viewers absolutely hate formulated shows, where everything happens to be predictable. But Trek--like always--defies this reason. In the same way that Trek, no matter how improbable it may currently be, still manages to convince millions of people that they are cadets living in the 24th centery and even get them to pay for the illusion.

Trek is like no other, and I think the producers made a mistake by trying to make it "just like the other shows".

So what if shows like the X-files and CSI and fuck, even Smallville, present some semblance of drama? It's still not Trek. Sure, Voyager and Deep Space Nine may not have lived up to the expectations of The Next Generation, but looking at the time and their respective demographic, who the hell can?

TNG was the only sci-fi show featuring something close to a ship at that time. Now you have at least two or three same themed shows to choose from, and there's also the other Star Trek reruns to compete with.

Personally, I thought the crew was just...boring. I understood the producers need to do something different, but I think their completely revamping the show just put a shocks to a lot of fans systems.

As for bringing in new viewers...why watch a semi-palatable space drama whose technobabble you can barely understand when you can stick to watching just plain ass drama in CSI? Sure, there's still those scientific mumbo jumbo, but you've got nice character drama on the side to give you your bit of soap and the cool 3D scientific explanations to cure you of the technobabble.

Plus, the Trek formula of bringing in the romance in the fourth season may seem a little cheesy, but fucking hell, it sure ass worked!

Not that Enterprise didn't try. But marrying T'Pol off when most of the people were holding out for a Trip-T'Pol union after they've been assured (and disappointed) that there will never be an Archer and T'Pol union just majorly pissed fans off.

Oh well, they've already hinted of something better. And hopefully there will be one.

Here's to ST: Enterprise. Who, after four years of boldly going where no Trek franchise has gone before, finally caved to the networks.